Friday night, Pizza Night.  Gracie, who sometimes has dinner before the rest of us, is pacing between the family room, dining area, and the girl’s bedrooms.  She stops at the end of our dining table and reaches into her pants.  “No, Gracie!” I yell.  Too late.  Out comes her hand… ugh!  Gabby already had enough sense to look away before her sister pulls her hand up.  I’m immediately disgusted, and a groan issues from deep within me.  Kristine grabs Gracie and corrals her into the bathroom so she can be bathed, cleaned up.

I put my head down and begin to laugh, almost hysterically.  “What is so funny?!” Gabby asks.  When I recover, I raise my head and say to her “I’m laughing at myself.”  I think about the ridiculous look of horror I must have had on my face, holding up a slice of pizza.  I finish my dinner.

Later, Kristine and I settle down to watch a movie.  We’d enjoy it more if it weren’t for Gracie’s constant pacing back and forth in front of the TV.  Sometimes she’ll pause in front of the TV, blocking our view.  Other times she’ll sit on the entertainment center, her head right in front of the screen, blocking out almost half of our view.  “Gracie, move!” I yell.  Turning to look at Kristine, I say to her, “Just once I’d like to watch something in peace.  Once.”  I’ve had it, Gracie is going to her room to stay so we can enjoy the rest of our flippin’ movie.

Gabby comes into the family room.  I sigh and pause the movie.  “Dad, I’m going to bed,” she says.  I follow her to her room to tuck her in, and upon passing her sister’s room Gabby turns to me.  “Don’t you smell that?”  Christ, I was holding my breath going by Gracie’s room, cause honestly, I didn’t want to know.  I take a cautionary sniff.  Don’t want to inhale too deeply.  “Kristine,” I say.  “Gracie has shit the bed.”

I clean Gracie up before I even put her into the bathtub.  Kristine is cursing like a sailor.  I tell her to calm down, while suppressing my urge to gag.  “Yeah, let’s go get her some more stem cell therapy!” she says to me between clenched teeth.  That hurt, but I say nothing as I take a brush to Gracie’s fingernails.

The bedclothes have been changed, the laundry started, Gracie bathed, and her PJ’s on.  Kristine and I settle back down in silence to finish our movie.  Upon its finish, Kristine says to me, “That was a really good movie.”  To which I respond, “I’m glad you liked it.”